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Raining-Insanity

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Let's do something in reverse here. I'm going to let you do the talking in this Journal. Tell me what's on your mind. OMG MOAR POEMS! 
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Rant Saturday

11 min read
Ever get that feeling how something was much easier two or three years back? I do. I bet a 16-year old me would have no problems writing up the upcoming rant. 
So, I decided to rant literally about everything I want to rant about, by myself, in this damn post. Why? Because if I'd talk about this useless crap with anyone who's close to me, their brains would most probably be fried 30 minutes into my rant. So, I'm ranting to all of you guys who follow me, about miscellaneous crap, and you can either choose to read all, choose to read certain parts or choose to not read, unwatch me, block me or whatever you need to do.

First of all, on the topic of past years, why does everything suddenly have so much deeper meaning behind it? I could literally buy a box of ice-cream and piss someone off in the world. Folks, sometimes things aren't that deep. I don't think anyone should start fuming about someone else's choice to buy, eat, wear, have sex with or any other meticulous thing. On the topic of this, in the effort of those very ones who are left "triggered" and angered by other people's choices, who believe in alternative choices and many other options, somehow, those very people, fall down to binaries and start seeing everything as black and white, beginning their array of ridiculous accusations, judgements disguised as "opinions" and making quick accusations of other people's personalities based solely on their choice to live their life. And you guys, who love to hide behind your small computer screens, are the god damn pioneers of such behaviour, while you don't do jack shit in real life to prevent that very sole issue that you have to cause ruckus everywhere for. Of course, you're only active when it concerns you, doesn't it? Preaching about walking a mile in someone's shoes while driving a car right next to them, are we?

Next up, Youtube community. See, things I discussed with myself above, tie closely to this particular topic. See, from time to time, I like to occasionally watch beauty videos. I think it's amazing to watch different looks come together, and in the end of the day, it inspires me as both an artist and a woman. I love makeup, I like to do my makeup, I like the way makeup looks on me and the way I look without it. I liked to watch these videos, not only for educational, but also entertainment value. But here's the thing, I also ain't big on ass-kissing culture these creators often get, so from time to time, I like to visit other boards discussing these issues. See, the thing is, when I visit these boards, I like to read up on things like makeup reviews, tutorial CC and similar, not problems in politics, governments, medicine and ANYTHING OTHER THAT IS NOT RELATED to the MAKEUP and BEAUTY boards. I get it, sometimes discussions take some other turns and end up getting political, alright, from time to time it's okay. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I have other boards to read up on that. I come to Youtube and Reddit to get away from the real things and yet I'm constantly bombarded with those types of things in my feeds. 
AGAIN, tied to that too, I'm sick and tired of these very creators ALSO finding something way too deep and having some deep, passive aggressive tweets, snaps, or whatever kids use some of these days. If you want to call out someone, do it and stop clogging my feed with it, or else, drama-invested as I am, will get curious and then FURIOUS because I don't know what the FUCK are you talking about.

Even tho this rant is all over the place, I have yet ANOTHER topic I'd like to discuss that is tied closely to both of these rants above. Makeup. Makeup, hair, beauty in general. I cannot BEGIN to express how tired I am over accusations and judgements because I splat paint on my face. You think I look good without makeup? Thanks, you can stop right there, WITHOUT THE DAMN NEED TO CONTINUE EXPLAINING HOW GIRLS ONLY WEAR MAKEUP BECAUSE THEY ARE INSECURE. NO, they are not. I freaking love makeup. I have friends who freaking love makeup. NONE, I repeat, NONE OF THEM wear it to impress anyone. Guys, AND some girls, are sometimes SO FUCKING INVESTED in telling you how insecure you are for having gold and teal lids on your face. First of all, WOULD I BE WEARING GOLD AND TEAL ON MY FACE IF I WAS SO INSECURE, and second of all, who the fuck wouldn't wear gold and teal on their face? You should try it - instead of wasting my time shitting on my day. Young girls are not HOES for wearing makeup, grown ups aren't "thirsty" or insecure because they wear makeup. Believe it or not, IT'S NOT THAT DEEP. ON THAT note, I don't care if a donkey wears makeup, if that's what it wants to do, so why the fuck do you care about who can wear makeup and who can't?
On the VERY SAME NOTE, while society WANTS YOU TO NOT WEAR IT, they also EXPECT YOU TO WEAR IT. Because, why the fuck not? Everyone expects us to look polished, but the moment we are, everyone is like "whyyyy you so pretty without that shit". Make up your damn minds, while I make up my face with these wings so big, I can fly away from my problems.

Now, FINALLY something on an unrelated note, I don't have anything from my college to rant about, except the fact, maybe, that I ACTUALLY DO. 
So, tell me, IN THE NAME OF GOD, WHY, ON EARTH, DO WE HAVE EXAMS TILL JUNE 15TH EACH AND EVERY YEAR? See, here's some backstory - my college started earlier than usual this year. All cool, all well, all peachy and dandy, we get to end it before the scorched earth rises again in the summer. Even our winter finals started earlier than expected. Everything was going great, I thought to myself, hm, perhaps this year we'll end up sooner before the unbearable heat. WELL, TELL ME, WHY, WOULD SOMEONE OF THE HIGHER UPS, JUST DECIDE TO PUT NOT ONLY ONE WEEK, BUT TWO WHOLE WEEKS WORTH OF "BREAK TIME" BETWEEN SUMMER FINALS AND FINAL WEEK OF CLASSES, INSTEAD OF HAVING EXAMS EARLIER and letting us poor prisoners go back to our homelands? At this point, I think they're just fucking with us to see who bursts first and demolishes half of the new building, that, on another note, actually looks like a fucking prison (the building has metal grids all over it).

On to my FIRST rant, after all this I've become ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, because I'm ALSO complaining about something I can do shit about IN REAL LIFE. SO ON THAT NOTE, I WILL PROCEED TO ROAST MYSELF. I am SO FUCKING unmotivated to do anything lately. I LITERALLY CANNOT find something entertaining these days. It'd be fine if I was wasting time meant for studying WHILE ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING WORTH WASTING TIME FOR BUT NO. I'M LITERALLY, SITTING ALL MORNING IN MY APARTMENT, DOING THINGS HALF-ARSED AND BEING BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I was supposed to get up REALLY early in the morning to catch some sunlight to get some nice ass photos. GUESS WHAT I DID? TURNED OFF THE ALARM AND DECIDED TO SLEEP, AS IF I CAN'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP LATER ON. MY GOD I'VE GOTTEN LAZY. This rant? I'm currently so DAMN INVESTED INTO WRITING THIS. I FEEL adrenaline kicking in with each new sentence. I feel like a huge chunk of burden has literally dissolved off my chest. I feel motivated, now that I've thrown out my anger and issues out in the open. I FEEL FUCKING GREAT. I CURSE SO GOD DAMN MUCH IN THIS POST AND I DON'T GIVE A CRAP. A 16-year old sassy me would write this post in an instant. One day, I've ran into one of my old accounts where I'd post my blog templates, and the amount of SASS in my description and commentary was overflowing. I was such an angsty teen now that I look at it. I feel like even today I'm constantly "shushed" by others telling me what to do and what not to do, playing nice with everyone because that's the thing adults do. WELL ADULTS SUCK. YOU'RE EXCUSED SO MUCH AS A KID AND FREE TO TALK SHIT WHENEVER YOU WANT. Kids say it as it is, even though everyone plays it off as "not knowing what they're talking about" saving THEIR OWN FACE. The kid didn't pull shit like that out of their arse, he heard you talking shit, the "adult".

LAST RANT is also tied to the great ME. I am so SICK AND TIRED OF MY OWN BRAIN. I keep getting shitty thoughts and having shitty dreams about shitty stuff that is probably my own shitty imagination. BITCH GET YOURSELF TOGETHER. Stop being so DAMN NEGATIVE ALL THE TIME. AND ALSO STOP COUNTERING YOURSELF. One day you write differing emotions are good, and today you're writing about HOW YOU WANT TO BE FUCKING HAPPY? DAMN RIGHT YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY. WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO BE NEGATIVE FUCK ALL THE TIME? Pick yourself together and realize how FUCKING LUCKY YOU ARE being able to do what you want to do with your life, having PEOPLE WHO CARE around you and BEING IN A GOOD PLACE. AND STOP reading so much DRAMA, YOU'RE WASTING ALL THE CASH ON POPCORN.

(...)

Anyway.
Now, I'm going to put my composure back on, after expelling everything I needed to expell out of me. I know I cursed a lot in this post, some of you might disagree with it, some of you probably look at me like I'm some sort of gentle creature pacing through this world on her toes but reality is, I'm like a 4''5 angsty fuck that doesn't give a shit, is always sarcastic, and sometimes does this artistic thing of hers, doesn't listen on classes because she's too busy drawing shit, fucks around and does nothing all day then probably panics when its nighttime. So, sorry for disappointing you, I'm probably not sorry if you hold me up to your unrealistic standards listed above. I'm a human? 
This rant helped me quite a bit. For the past few days, I've been tired of everything and I needed to rant to someone. I might make this Rant Saturday a thing now, perhaps I'LL BE A LITTLE MORE ACTIVE HERE I GUESS? MAYBE? Don't expect much from me tho.

Rant Saturday is where my true self would shine, I guess.

See ya next time loves. 


P.S. I ALMOST LOST THIS ENTIRE DAMN POST. YOU BITCH ARE SO CLUMSY.


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I'm going to start with an obvious "I'm sorry for the inactivity these past months", since it seems to be a theme of my updating journals. Obviously college and my job takes up a lot of time, and quite frankly, I'm enjoying the company of my family, boyfriend and friends way too much to spend my free time trying to upload anywhere and then having to go through the painful 15 minutes to try and share it in the appropriate groups, which is the main reason why I seldom upload here. I'm a member of way too many groups and it's difficult with DeviantArt mechanism to upload quickly to them. Hopefully there are some plans to fix this and enable faster sharing with less chance of mistakingly submitting to wrong folders, now that DeviantArt is owned by Wix.

Second of all, I've gotta express my biggest thanks to spaceneedle2019 for donating so many points for my donation pool and thus completing the goal to reach 1200 points! Thanks to that, I have my Core membership now and I can finally use this Journal skin again and get critiques Giggle 

For those people who have been following me on Facebook as well, you may have read an announcement of deletion of my Facebook Page. It's currently two days to complete deletion, since Facebook has a weird mechanism of deleting Pages now. After you schedule your Page for deletion, it goes into unpublished status for 15 days, with a notification on top counting days to deletion and having an option to cancel it. I'm going to repost what I wrote since I'm not sure whether you can still see my page, so here it is:

Hello,

Due to a lot of profiles that I have on various photographic websites, my college duties and my job, I've decided to delete some profiles that I rarely or almost never upload to, and Facebook happens to be one of the websites I seldomly upload to. I'm going to be deleting this Page in a few days. I don't know what else am I planning on deactivating, but after a long thought, I decided this Page will be the first one to go.

Why am I leaving? 
First of all, I don't agree with Facebook policies for Pages. Even after paying for advertisement, I've heard stories from people the reach is still minimum, despite having a lot of followers.
Second of all, this is not a good platform to upload images. It downgrades the resolution of any photo I upload.
Lastly, there are much better and more specialized platforms for me to upload my work to, and I can't manage them all in current time, so I'd like to deactivate those that I don't find easy or worthwhile to upload anymore. Also, I currently have another projects to tend to and can't manage everything.

This was a tough decision to make, because next to Deviantart, this was one of my starting platforms, but over the years and discovering all the other wonderful platforms, much more suited for photographers, and seeing how this one is slowly downgrading and becoming more of a paid service, I've decided to say goodbye to Facebook and dedicate myself to improving my other accounts, because I do not enjoy uploading to Facebook anymore.

Again, I will not delete my Page right now, but in few days. I'll leave this post up and link to the accounts I'm planning on keeping so you can follow me on there if you wish to. Most of you are probably following me on these as well. I'm currently the most active on Instagram, because I can post whenever I want from my phone! Make sure to check out and follow me on these as well:

Instagram: ra_inphoto, www.instagram.com/ra_inphoto/?…
Deviantart: raining-insanity.deviantart.co…
Behance: www.behance.net/RainingInsanit…
Viewbug: www.viewbug.com/member/Raining…
Youpic: youpic.com/photographer/jopabe…
500px: 500px.com/raininginsanity

I have other profiles, where I do other things as well, so be sure to follow me on there as well, if you want to see other art sides of me:

Instagram: @sol.sti.cea, www.instagram.com/sol.sti.cea/
Deviantart: solsticea.deviantart.com/

If you wish to request my photo retouching skills, you are now able to find me on Fiverr as well (I will post my gigs in a few days):

www.fiverr.com/raininginsanity

If you want to do a photoshoot or request any of my services (and if you are located fairly close to me), please contact me via my business mail: raining00insanity@gmail.com.

That's it. Thank you for following me for 7 years on Facebook. It's been a long and a good ride. Perhaps I'll come back in due time, when Facebook ups their photographic game or with another project. Thank you for all of your kind support over the years and I hope you'll continue to support me through another social media websites.


I also thought about deleting my Deviantart profile, but ultimately decided against it. I've been a member of this community for far too long to back out now, and I've invested so much time, energy and effort to get where I'm at now, despite the recent changes in ownership and many other problems this website has. I have a lot of people counting on me, soon to hit 1K to be precise, can't let them all down with giving up now - not that I need anyone's permission to just delete and trash the whole thing, but I genuinely want to keep trying and improving as much as I humanly can, given the current conditions. Also, the biggest inspiration for my photographic style comes from here - this wonderful and creative community.

As for my other profile for drawings, I've said from the beginning that I'm not planning on doing the most with it. It comes to me as a relaxation and I'd like to keep it that way, so I rarely upload on there most of the time. Few days ago I bulk-uploaded several of my drawings and left it at that and it was very refreshing not having to screw around with the pain of uploading to groups. I might submit some of them to groups today, I might not. I also don't feel like offering commisions for my drawing - I don't feel competent enough. I'm still just a beginner and I've discovered it a bit too late that I actually like to draw. I want to keep drawing, but only if I feel that it's not becoming a burden to draw or if I feel that it's not a boring chore or that I'm under some sort of pressure to draw. There is still a long road ahead of me when it comes to drawing, even though I've always been sketching in my free time. If someone could recommend me good DA groups, art sites to join or helpful resources and lessons to take, please do drop the comment below this journal. If you want to Watch me on my art profile, you can go to Solsticea and do so.

As for my other plans, well, you'll see that in the near future ;)
Currently I've only decided to get rid of my FB Page, but we'll see what else is next. I think most of the sites I'm on are relatively easy to maintain and have a better way of reaching other than Facebook, whereas Facebook operates the way I described above and it grates my nerves, to be honest. This is all for now, I'm currently in my hometown and I have a small family gathering, so I'm going to stop writing now and wish you all a Happy Sunday. Hope you had fun for the weekend and hope you have a good day today. Till next time!

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I haven't been too active on Deviantart (for that matter, I haven't been active at all on my platforms) over the course of these past weeks. I had some exams and projects to work on, on top of having a new job. Today I come around and see the one new notice - Deviantart bought by Wix.com.
I know this site has been slowly sinking to oblivion these couple of years, starting with the redesign and introduction to Core membership that was an excuse to jack the prices of Premium up - but hey, at least I get a Core sign next to my name. This site, undoubtedly, needs a full-on revamp and a myriad of new features that all the standard art sites already have. 

Wix.com is a platform that I decided to work with this summer to create my online portfolio. I decided to take up the free plan first and then decide whether I'll shell out for a paid membership later on or not, depending how the first impressions with the site go. Needless to say, my site is pretty much dead by now since I haven't uploaded anything since college started. Why?
First of all, the user interface and site building mechanism. It's pretty user friendly, I'll admit. Great for beginners. But as you get the hang of it, it gradually gets more and more confusing to tweak around your page. Once you edit one thing, another 10 fall out of balance. I just fell into the WYSIWYG nightmare circle each and everytime I wanted to update something on my page.
Second, the upload limits. I get that I shouldn't be asking for a lot if I'm going with a free plan, but a 500mb limit? I can upload about 12 high-res photos on my portfolio with that. In other words, I can get a hint of portfolio with that upload limit.
Lastly, the murky waters of photo and work licencing with Wix. Here's the deal with "Free" plan over at Wix. If by their standards your website and content looks good, they have the right to use your work (content) for promotional purposes. Which means, they will take your work for free and advertise with it. You can read more in-depth article about "Free" contract with Wix here.

It should be pretty clear that I do not support this business decision. I can get around fine with upload limits, heck, I could even get around the future new features and design. I'm used to DA charging for special features already, so I wouldn't beat my head over it. However, what I'm not okay with is the last thing I've mentioned, my work being used for free in a marketing campaign. The fact that I'm using your platform does not give you the right to jack my work and use it for free for promotional purposes. If this happens to DA, I might be forced to close my account over here and move on to the next best thing.

The fact that it came so suddenly - I for one had no clue DA made a purchase agreement with Wix - tells me who is going to pull all the strings in this business relationship. For those who had not seen the journal yet, read the details here: DeviantArt and Wix: With a Kindred Spirit.
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Yo.
First of all, Merry Christmas to whoever celebrates it, and for the rest, happy holidays! It's been a while since I've written a journal, or heck, even updated my profile. I hope I'll be able to make use of these holidays to update both of my profiles (for those who might not know, I also have an art account on here (Solsticea) that hasn't been updated since late summer this year), but I'm not promising, first and foremost myself, anything, since I never hold on to any of my promises Deviantart related - with the amount of exams, projects and math (math is a special category for me) I'm surprised I haven't started studying on Christmas Eve already. 
Anyway, if you're not offended in any way, shape or form by the rarity of my posting, give me some feedback or a watch on my art account (perhaps it motivates me - perhaps) if you want to (who am I to force people?).
Today I want to talk about something that was perhaps the hardest thing for me to develop and accept both in photography and art in general - how do I develop my own unique art style. As I'm contemplating ripping apart the fifth paper in my new sketch block (that had a total of 13 papers in it and now it's down to 8 already), this topic came to my mind. I was always fascinated, and I still am, by other people's work. We tend to think that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and it's no different in art for me. I tend to just sit for an hour browsing whichever site with artworks, in awe, thinking how much better all these people are at anything that I do. I'm aware that these people haven't improved overnight just as much as I haven't, and that it probably took years and years of practice to get to the point where they're at now, but a part of me still wishes that I can just sit and draw, paint or photograph something a genius masterpiece in 30 minutes, and I'm pretty sure anyone who does art feels the same. In the five long years I've had this profile, I can see and feel how much I've grown, developed and improved with my photography and it's kind of astonishing that after all this time, I've managed to improve and learn this much, and thus develop my own personal artstyle. I'm hoping that my Watchers feel the same. I also want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who gave me a Watch, all 857 of you. It's been a while since I've hit the 850 mark but I never got around to thank everyone of you who decided to support me and my work. It's absolutely crazy so many people gave attention to me and my work, how many of you like, comment and overall give feedback to my work. I am definitely thankful for each and every sign of attention towards my work, I read all comments even though I rarely respond to them - I'm hoping in 2017 I'll improve with my communication skills, build more friendships and develop even further. I'd also want to thank to all of the people who've been frequent commenters on both of my journals and artwork, who shared the thoughts, constructive criticism and overall support with me. 2016 has been a pretty crazy year for me in all ways possible and probably the best one so far and I sincerely hope 2017 will be another crazy, crazy ride like 2016 was.
Since I've gone off tangent completely (I'm bad with math), I had to go ahead and add in the "2016" part to my post title as well - and to return back to my tangent, in my years of development, an artstyle was something I struggled with the most. The main reason for that is that I'm a person that enjoys everything - I enjoy almost all styles and categories of photography. I just can't imagine myself doing only (self)portraiture or only still life (even though these are my most frequent photographic categories). I know I could photograph anything I want while still keeping my own style, but to be honest, I'm also the type to get bored from sticking to only one style. This is why it took me years to reach a point where I'm finally happy with the work I put out, sticking to and developing my particular style, a bit more day by day. This is why, in the future, my style will continue to change, bit by bit. While I'm at that point in photography, I definitely cannot say the same for my drawing or painting skills. Since drawing and painting hold so many different categories, styles, techniques, it's really difficult for me to stick to one.
I was always drawn to drawing (no pun intended) but it never became my passion the way photography did until the recent 3-4 years. I'll admit, I have no patience to sit and learn - I only have it when I have a burning passion for something. With my drawing, however, I've always been very lackluster. In the recent years I've tried to force myself to listen or read a few tutorials, lessons and such - and I did learn a great deal from all of those, even from the bad ones. But I'm not a type of person to study something like this for hours - which is the sole reason why I never decided to pursue arts as my career. Also, the thought of reading and studying anatomy books alone makes my skin crawl.
Whenever I try to sit and draw like I said, I usually end up crumpling up the paper and, visibly annoyed, trash it, because I'm a) too impatient to develop my own preferred styleb) usually drawing right out of my head and c) having someone else's style in mind and/or having my own visualisation so when things go south I get way too pissed off to continue. To simply put it, I'm trying to run a mile within two seconds with the heels of my feet super-glued to the ground (which is not simply put at all) - or, I'm getting way too ahead of myself. The reason may lie within the fact that I've already went through all of that with photography style and it's truly bothersome for me to go through all the phases with my drawing style as well. Most of my pencil work ends up being a sketch - if I take a break from it, for about 1-2 days, I just forget to finish it. On the other hand, when I dedicate myself to a piece, I'll forget to do everything else that I had to do for that day (if you were wondering, the record is 10 hours). All or nothing mentality, which is shitty and wonderful at the same time.
I'm hoping to drop this mentality (at least partly) in 2017 and try to dedicate myself to development of my art skills as much as I possibly can. Somehow, I can't imagine myself without any form of art - I think life without it would be pretty darn boring.
To wrap this up, if you want to hear a complete experience with how I found my photographic style and what I do/use, let me know to keep it for my future journal topics. I'm guessing this journal didn't offer much substance for you to learn from my experience, it was more of a look-back at 2016, but I hope you still enjoyed reading it. I hope you're having a nice time and I wish you all a successful 2017.

Happy holidays and until next time!
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